What is Discipling?

Discipling is helping others follow Jesus. This responsibility belongs not only to the pastors but to the whole church: 

“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love” (Ephesians 4:15-16)

How do we do this in the church? In one sense, almost everything we do as a local church is about being and making disciples. The songs we sing, the prayers we pray, and certainly the sermons that are preached all aim to grow us as God-glorifying disciples. But for this article we have something more specific in mind when we use the word “discipling.” We are thinking particularly about individual relationships. More formally, the encouragement and building up of other believers on the basis of deliberate, loving relationships.

 

Jesus tells us to pursue one another like this: “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:17). How did Jesus love his disciples in ways that could be imitated? He loved them intentionally, purposefully, humbly, joyfully and normally. Let’s think about these descriptions.

 

Intentional

 

“You did not choose me but I chose you . . .” (John 15:16a). Jesus did not merely stumble across his disciples; he took loving initiative. He chose them. Christ-like love is not passive; it takes initiative. Loving other Christians like Christ love us means taking the initiative.

 

Purposeful

 

“. . . and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:16b). Christ’s love for his disciples is purposeful. He called them to bear fruit for God’s glory. In other words, his love is not merely sentimental, but has a wonderful, God-glorifying agenda. If we are to love one-another as Christ has loved us, surely we will share Jesus’ goals for one another, namely, the spiritual good of our friend and God’s glory through their joy in the gospel.

 

Humble

 

Jesus says, “As the father has loved me, so have I loved you,” (John 15:9) and “Instead [of slaves], I have called you friends” (John 15:15a). Jesus condescends to be our friend, even though he is infinitely far above us in majesty, holiness, and honor. Surely, then, we must relate with all humility to our fellow fallen brothers and sisters. We treat them as friends whom we love, not as “projects” or “lessers.” We don’t lord it over, we honor and cherish.

 

Joyful

 

“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (John 15:11). Jesus commands us to love one another so that we would know his joy. Setting out to care for other Christians, encouraging their growth in grace, can be hard work. But it is wonderful work, and Jesus says it is joy-producing work!

 

Jesus makes this kind of personal discipling his basic command to all his people and, thus, normal for all Christians. Not surprisingly, you will find talk of basic Christian discipling throughout God’s Word:

• “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Heb. 3:13).
• “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves” (Rom. 12:10).
• “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11).

The New Testament is filled with such exhortations. Jesus and the apostles did not mean for discipling between Christians to be exceptional, but normal. “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35).

 

How to Disciple Others?

 

It is one thing to say that Christians should be involved in discipling relationships. It is another thing to figure out what this looks like practically. How do you do it? When do you do it? What does it look like?

 

The most significant aspect of any discipling relationship, often, is not exactly what you do when you meet, but that you build a relationship with biblical truth at its core. One-one-one discipling essentially involves Christians of the same sex meeting to study Scripture, hold one another accountable, and pray. An elder member may disciple a younger member, a more mature Christian might disciple a younger Christian, or peers in the faith might effectively disciple one another. 

 

Within this basic framework, discipling relationships may take a number of different shapes: 

• Meet weekly to discuss the prior Sunday’s sermon, a bookstall book, or a book of the Bible.
• Attend Sunday School together and discuss specific application in one another’s lives.
• Stay around after the conclusion of our services and talk, to speak to visitors and to people you don’t know, and to make initial connections with others in the church.
• Invite members or newcomers over for a meal or out for an activity. 
• Invite unmarried members to sit in on family devotions.
• Accompany mothers with young children as they run errands.
• Help dads with yard work and ask them for counsel.
• Schedule “play dates” for kids and talk about the Sunday night talk.

Examples abound, and the venues are flexible. What’s important is that you pursue something, something where you have time to relate to another member with the intentional aim of encouraging and being encouraged by the truth from God’s Word.

 

You don’t have to sign up for anything or get permission before loving fellow members this way. Nor do you want a church where discipling only happens when the staff sustain it. That’s not a healthy church! No, we want you to pray and think about how you can jump in. And talk to an elder or some other member about your unique opportunities and stewardships.

 

A Discipler’s Daily Itinerary

In order to present as clear a picture as possible, here is what a day’s schedule might look like for a typical Christian husband and father who has heard Jesus’ call to be a fisher of men:

 

6:00 a.m.     Shower & dress

6:30 a.m.     Devotions: Bible reading & praying. Pray for family, day’s events, discipling relationships, evangelistic opportunities, the church, etc.

7:00 a.m.     Help kids get ready

7:30 a.m.     Meet fellow church member Paul at nearby coffee shop for breakfast; discuss chapter of John MacArthur’s book; discuss marriage and parenting; ask about his other Christian and non-Christian relationships

8:30 a.m.     Work

12:30 p.m.   Lunch with non-Christian co-worker; discuss faith

1:30 p.m.     Work

5:30 p.m.     Pick up items at store for dinner for wife; bring Ken, single man in the church who lives nearby. Ask deliberate questions about his life.

6:30 p.m.     Dinner; family worship; play with kids; bedtime routine

8:45 p.m.     Dessert with wife and the Smiths in the living room, a younger couple in the church who are struggling in their marriage; conversations about marriage and prayer

10:15 p.m.   Prayer with wife and bed.

 

On the one hand, that schedule is all very neat. Life never quite fits into 30 and 60 minute blocks. You know that. Any given day might have more time with family, doing home repair, taking kids to swim lessons, working late, or a hundred other things.

 

Still, it gives you the picture of a fairly average discipler. Nothing exceptional or groundbreaking, but hopefully faithful and deliberate amidst the many stewardships of life that God gives. Four touch points outside the family (breakfast, lunch, errand, dessert) might be unusual—one to three would be more typical. And some days, there might be none.